Another Surgery

With another good day for Jordan, it certainly feels the crisis has ended. Heidi and I have turned our attention to the daily process of sitting with Jordan and watching him improve.  Our prayers have moved from saving his life to helping him have a quality of life that we hope for him.  As parents we want Him to be free from all sickness, suffering, trial, pain.  As children of a Father in Heaven, we hope to leave those challenges that will propel us forward as a family in this life and beyond.

For us and for Jordan, the next opportunity for development may be another surgery.  Jordan's current dialysis line is too close to his tracheostomy and this carries significant risk for infection as his trache site constantly oozes fluids.  The surgeons are discussing moving the line to a different location further down the artery so the line will exit out his chest, making it not only safer but easier to manage.

Before performing this surgery, doctors are discussing allowing Jordan's body to be without dialysis for a few days.  This would give Jordan's kidneys another chance to function before once again introducing Jordan's body to the unknown risks of surgery and anesthesia.  Jordan has been weaned off nearly every medication he has with the exception of a mild pain-killer and getting him off dialysis would move him one step closer to full recovery. One step closer to coming home.

In the midst of a crisis, I often push or even slog through the fog because I have nowhere else to go.  I move forward because I hope by doing so the fog will clear.  Sometimes, the fog does dissipate for a time and I feel the warm sun on my face; I get a view of where I am and what is in front of me.  Other times I receive peace in my heart to strengthen me as the fog thickens.

Over the last weeks and months I have experienced both the clearing and the thickening of this fog at different times.  I have seen proven in the crisis, as I believed each day before, that not knowing an outcome is a gift that allows growth and that what is unknown to me is seen, known, and prepared for by God.  When I lose strength, He faithfully carries me as on eagles wings and I find light where I feared there was despair.

I also know that this light is not tied to outcome, but to outreach and openness. God does not get brighter when I need Him more, He simply shines through more brightly because I choose to see Him more.  I am grateful he is there for our family.