For the first time in 8 months I heard Jordan "speak". Not a small, weak sound I have heard before when his tubing is being changed or air is being forced through a loose tube, but actual full sound from his vocal chords. At first, I wasn't sure what it was with the respiratory therapist working away, but then I realized I was hearing a baby noise that was almost a cry and I stood up from my chair and walked to the side of Jordan's hospital crib to get a closer look.
The therapist didn't seem to notice anything remarkable as she continued changing tubes and checking settings. When I couldn't take it any more I commented, "this is the first time I have heard him make a real sound...EVER." The therapist looked surprised and said I should be there when she changes his tubes. Apparently, she thinks this happens all the time.
Not wanting to jump to conclusions, I asked, "What would allow him to make such clear sounds suddenly?" She responded that when she deflates the bubble that helps prevent air leaks around his tracheostomy tube, he is able to get air around his vocal chords, which are now more developed. Wow.
Thinking back through my first four children, I recognize once again the perspective change that occurs with contrast. Noises such as crying at night, which used to cause me to tense up, I now long for. Distractions from work and responsibility such as reading a book or bouncing a ball back and forth with a child, are now dreams of a distant (and I hope not too distant) future. Even frustrations such as teasing and fighting have become hopes for my sick child.
What I recognize is that the moments of silence make the sound richer--but not because it IS richer, only because I finally HEAR it. For the first time in my life I have heard not just Jordan's sound but the cry of a child for what it is--JOY. And I can't help but recognize that this same joy exists in all aspects of my children --from playing and laughing, to teasing and fighting, to learning and loving, to growing and living. It is all the sound of joy. I am grateful for the opportunity to open my ears to it.
That is pretty cool. I hope I'll get to hear him when I come up this weekend. What an unexpected, wonderful delight.
ReplyDeleteKind of reminds me of grandparenting. I watch you guys work and manage and schedule and do all of the relentless tasks of parenthood and I think--Wow! That was me, and I missed so much of the actual soul-full delight of parenting. But now, I get to relax and experience awe about the bud unfolding, the personalities developing and take joy in these little ones that I didn't even know to look for when I was young and struggling myself.
Jordan is teaching you to do it right the first time. He slows you down, sharpens your vision and your hearing, intensifies your insight and increases your appreciation for the "normal" interactions of children. He's a miracle and blessing in so many ways. How unexpected. How lovely.