No Small Thing

Jordan is having an uncomfortable couple of days. With Graft vs Host Disease (GVHD) in his stomach and intestines, Jordan's stomach is once again distended.  The doctors gave him steroids earlier than expected to keep the GVHD at bay, and Jordan is not enjoying the experience.  Even when Heidi tries to hold him, he shifts around until she puts him back in his crib.

While Jordan is struggling, the rest of our kids have started Hutch school, where they are taken on an adventure to the Space Needle, park, swimming hole, etc, each day throughout the summer. The school is funded by the Hutch Cancer Center and is primarily filled with kids and siblings going through cancer treatment.  We are grateful for this time to have our kids interact with others while Heidi and I have a few hours to spend time with Jordan, get some work done, or both.  These service programs and the people who staff them are another one of the tender mercies of the Lord.

Right now the greatest stress  is trying to balance what is really important with all that needs to be done.  The challenge of finding balance isn't new, but the increased clarity over what really matters makes time spent outside of family more of a distraction than anything else.  I have spent years filling my storehouse, so to speak, and I feel I need to spend more time filling my children with knowledge and love.

In the midst of this struggle, however, Heidi and I continue to be confident that the Lord knows what He is doing and is involved at every level.  Today, the lead immunologist told Heidi that the mold/fungus in Jordan's lungs has suddenly vanished.  A retest confirmed this.  He said, "I just have no way of explaining this"  since fungus in the lungs can take up to a year to clear with medication and never clears in less than 3 months.  "It just doesn't make sense."  Truly, the Lord is not simply far off, but also close at hand.  

As I attended church today I was once again reminded of the cause of these miracles as people told me how they continue to pray regularly for my son.  And I was reminded that I can always see miracles when I believe in God, believe God, and strive to live with integrity to the knowledge I have.  With that spiritual formula, I see God not as a distant overlord or a disinterested creator, but as what He is--Love.  Each  experience He provides or allows is only "bad" when I choose to make it a stumbling-block in my life.  Those I choose to learn and grow from are all Good and it is me, not God, that makes that determination; He always acts in Love.  

With Jordan and this experience, I choose to use this to become a better father, husband, employer, and human being.  The daily grind is still challenging but I have faith and hope, and that is no small thing.